The Phantom Hour!

Lo, Monthly timecards now come to an end,

So, approve for October--is what I recommend.

What follows next is a very harrowing tale,

Building at a rate on a logarithmic scale,

Instilling terror, and sowing malicious contempt,

Warning of a menace from which few are exempt!

It is simply known as...

The Phantom Hour

Deep in the dark, dreadful, dead of night,

Long into a woeful, graveyard shift,

A worker witnessed a baffling fright,

Causing a maddening, mental rift!

At 2 a.m. without warning or sense,

Something occurred to affect recompense,

Time fell back exactly one hour,

Forever upsetting the balance of power!

His eight hour shift was suddenly nine,

Fatigue creeping into the bones of his spine,

His will to live began ebbing away,

Sparking severe pseudo-psychic decay!

"Why, Lord Kronos, must you abuse me so?"

Came the lament, "Where's the quid pro quo?"

"I'm forced to work longer than ever before?"

"Without any reason or cause heretofore!"

Answer came there none, the Time god he was still,

The worker decided not to die on this hill,

He completed his duty and finished the day,

(Then a few months later he lost an hour of pay!)

So, beware the Phantom Hour for it comes twice a year,

Lurking and waiting to once again reappear,

How can you hide your time-sensitive persona?

In the Grand Canyon--deep in old Arizona!

Ghostly Geoff

The Curse of the Red Watch

[Author’s note: I shan’t be back till Tuesday, so I’ll send this out today, if timecards stay unfinished, then there’ll be such Hell to pay!]

The Curse of the Red Watch

There once was a timekeeper in an ominous land,

Who tried to prove his worth by clever word and deft hand.

He kept very good time, and he reported it well,

But something made his work feel a little like Hell.

Because before he could prove that he was far from the worst,

He had to enlist help from the kingdom’s citizenry first.

If they didn’t fill out, comment, save and approve,

Theirs and their subject’s hours then he could never improve.

His skills would deteriorate, his reputation would fail,

His grief would release in a soul-rending wail!

So he tried enticing people with imaginative bribes,

Using hand-drawn cartoons and poetic diatribes.

It didn’t fully achieve all its fine and lofty goals,

Despite using spells he found inscribed on old scrolls.

His failure was such that he was given a watch,

(That golden and too-final swift kick in the crotch).

“Fired? But for what?---Retired? That’s far worse!”

“I was turning it around, you -----!...(and he unleashed a curse!).

The king, horrified, decreed all timekeeping dead,

And as soon as he did the watch went from gold to blood red.

The light disappeared from the timekeeper's eyes,

(For without timely purpose a timekeeper dies!).

And that cheap, now-red watch stopped at that very dread hour,

Creating a timekeeper’s deadline and giving it power.

And then that cursed watch started to get hot and glow,

Sending out curses hither and fro.

No more would timekeeping be considered banal.

But would be legally required of king, country and all.

Timekeepers would be enforcers, a grim post in the realm.

And all must submit or face dire overwhelm.

One thing could hold off these Guardians of Time:

Proper time reporting! (once a capital crime!).

It helps in our work, it helps in our pay,

It allows us to live if even for just one more day!

So, as soon as you read this (or very soon by),

Approve your “current pay period” or all payments may die!

If you wait until Sunday, after the pay period ends,

Then choose "previous pay period" to make your righteous amends.

This includes all biweekly workers, both students and staff,

And be sure to approve overtime (it pays at time and a half).

And if you're duty-bound to help enforce all of these chores,

Then prithee be proactive like they are with yours.

If not and your failure forces them the realm to traverse,

Then you'lll incur the full wrath of the blood red watch curse!

Abandon-All-Hope Geoff

TiMemecards