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A Brief History of
Timecards
[Abridged version – with Appendices for
Students, Non-exempts and Limiteds – 8.16 – 8.29]
By Tennesee Odin Klokk, Chronologist
Benevolent Order Of Timekeepers,
International (BOOTI)
Dedicated to Father Time,
“I’m just a chip off the old clock”
The History of Timecards
is the History of All Human Endeavor!
(As well as a catalog of Timekeeping
innovations that are still with us today!)
v
Chapter 1:00 - The Dawn of Timecards
Did Cavemen Clock In and Out?
We’re pretty sure they did!
A caveman’s job was hunting.
So, as he prepared to leave for the hunt, and
if he was feeling especially hunt-y, then he would make his mark on the chore
board section of his cave wall.
A red hand signified that he was bloodthirsty
and raring to go!
If he made it back alive then he was usually
pretty beaten up and so would then just spit blood to make an outline of his
hand before collapsing into an oozing heap.
And then his kids could draw doodles with his
blood.
(Life was a lot edgier back then!)
But it showed us the value of keeping a
record of workplace ATTENDANCE.
v
v
Chapter 2:00 - Medieval Timecards
Many people think that torturing was done
just for the heck of it, but, mostly, no—it was a specialized skill requiring
professional aptitude and trade guild certification.
(Not to mention snappy attire!)
Torture was a very effective way of bending
(or even breaking) someone to your will, but while it had to be done with
patience it also required you to keep your eye on the clock (though not
literally).
After all, you couldn’t very well just
torture someone nonstop and expect to be very effective at your job.
(The torturer might get fatigued and the
torture-ee might get dead!)
But thanks to their dedication and humanity
we now know the importance of the finite WORK SHIFT.
v
v v
Chapter 3:00 – Modern Timecards
The Industrial Revolution gave us automation,
which helped to increase output, stimulate the economy, and thereby improve
living conditions.
Families could have more children who
survived infancy who could then, in turn, be included in the fun new workforce
at an early age!
That freed up the adults to go on trips and
see the world!
So we have machines (and child labor) to
thank for VACATIONS!
[End of
Excerpt]
***
Customer
Reviews [edited for length]
“My
mouth is positively agape at the sheer…the author thinks that he can just
make…THIS is exactly what’s…if I ever see him on the street, I’m going take
his…and shove it up his…!”
[Author’s
reply: Thanks for your support! I’ll be glad to give you an autograph!]
“Stephen
Hawking should get up out of his chair and give this guy what
he--…---…---…deserves!”
[Author’s
reply: Thanks for your support, Stephen!]
“What,
no mention of Ancient Roman Gladiators, Ancient Egyptian Slaves or New World Indentured Servants?”
[Author’s
reply: Thanks for your support! Those are great suggestions! Just wait for the
sequel, “A Briefer History of Timecards!”]
***
Editorial
Reviews
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the first to write an editorial review!]
***
Publisher’s
Notes
[The
views expressed in this book are solely those of the author and not necessarily
those of any other member of the publishing, reading or illiterate
communities.]
***
About
the Author
Tennessee Odin Klokk (aka Timothy Edgar Waits) grew
up listening to television programs from the other room and reading the back of
cereal boxes and dust jackets. He probably would’ve read liner notes too, but,
by his own admission, he “can’t read music.”
His
philosophy is: “it’s better to make a claim that could be wrong than to waste
time verifying it first and then forgetting what you were going to say.”
He
lives in relative obscurity, hard at work on his next project: “The Seeing
Man’s Guide to Braille”
