Anti-Procrastination Declaration

After a fine Thanksgiving break and a splendid time off,

I totally forgot this reminder (cough-cough).

But work cannot wait and so I’m determined to finish,

With quality control not even haste could diminish.

And now it brings to mind the notion of all time reporting,

Which requires time to do it and so remains self-supporting.

So, since it’s required and you’re paid for the chore,

It can be calendared, reminder-ed and, yes, scheduled for.

And despite the fact that it’s a task that most hate,

It keeps us in compliance with the payroll mandate.

This is why all of you monthly (Exempt) workers who care,

Should approve your timecards now so you’re not caught unaware.

Last Minute Geoff

Giving Time

Those who like to give whatever it is they’ve got

Know full well to give ‘tis far better than to not.

So, during this giving time let’s all join together as one

And give ourselves a hand for all the giving that we’ve done.

I once gave a hoot (when hoots were in short supply)

I even gave my hunger (when someone was serving pie).

I’ve given a piece of my mind (to those without their own)

I’ve even given my absence (when they wished to be alone).

I’ve given my opinions (when they didn’t know what to think)

I’ve given my advice (for when they couldn’t afford a shrink).

I’ve given some good excuses (for when theirs were wearing thin)

I’ve even given alibis (to account for where they’d been).

Giving brings more joy than mere taking could ever allow

(Except when taking a minute to approve your timecards: NOW!).

[And if you haven’t given out and want to give some more

Join Cool Campus Challenge to improve our Eco- score!]*

*Cool Campus Challenge ends 12/10/15, UCSB specific, some assembly required.

Timecard Reminder Reminder

Biweekly timecards are due Tuesday (at the latest),

By Monday’d be great, (by today’d be the greatest!)

Workers and supervisors need to approve in the right order

To prevent a total breakdown or a mental disorder.

Workers approve hours (once they’ve filled them all in),

Supervisors go next (to avoid deep chagrin).

And now a little more insight

Into what compels me to write…

While it’s my joy to remind you fine and true folk,

Who reminds the reminder? Or so goes the old joke.

My mindful ‘minder’s named “Thinky”--he's a heck of a guy,

But best keep your distance--he's incredibly shy.

His purview isn’t specific to timecards alone,

He’ll remind me to eat or to hang up the phone.

Or if I’ve forgotten where I last parked my car,

He’ll retrace all my steps before I’ve gotten too far.

He’s better than a computer because he knows what I mean

When I ask him a question whether vague or obscene.

“The Greek Goddess of Beauty and Love?” (“Aphrodite!”)

“That changing lightbulbs rhyme?” (“Lefty loosey, righty tighty!”)

Lost my keys, dropped my wallet, misplaced my wristwatch?

Can’t remember the base for a Rob Roy? (“It’s scotch”).

So who is my ‘minder? Well, to be perfectly plain,

Thinky’s the name of my oft-addled brain.

Thinky Geoff