It is time once again for timecards.
Specifically and primarily for biweekly time
reporting, which includes student workers, limited hires and nonexempt
personnel (as well as their supervisors who do the approving, who may or may
not be nonexempt employees in their own right).
Today we will be discussing the dangers and
pitfalls of Timecard reporting, which can develop into a disorder known simply
as:
PsychoKRONOSis
Diagnostic Criteria: An unsettled mental state
brought about by prolonged frustration with java-based time reporting programs
and all their applicable subroutines.
Symptoms: Marked by higher than
average blood pressure and indeterminate bouts of rage, may be accompanied by
protestations, verbal or otherwise, directed at software, hardware and
personnel alike.
Known
cures: Euphoria, elevated moods, laughter.
Prognosis: This:
Timmy the Timekeeper and the Cards of Time
Kronos Asylum is reserved for those whose
madness is centered in and around the Temporal Lobe. They who have lost all
sense of Time and Memory.
Timmy used to be a timekeeper, and a darn good
one, thank you very much.
But
then he went Time Mad.
And this is his story, told to ensure we never
forget! So that no one else shall suffer Timmy’s fate.
It all began some time ago (as reported on his
Timecards)...
Timmy was always the clever one, Timmy was.
He skipped ahead in his class when the lesson
was learning how to tell time.
He already knew what the big hand meant.
When he graduated college with a Timekeeper
Doctorate (TKPHD) at 25 he was on track to be one of the greatest Timekeeper
success stories since the Earl of Greenwich Mean Time.
He was always a giving person so he decided to
use his skills where they were needed most--back in Academia, to ensure future
generations would benefit from his abilities in timecard reporting, the grease
that runs the education machine!
And that’s when the madness began.
Those who work in a University setting are in
rarefied air--they see how the world works and they envision a better future
and provide the tools to make it possible by reinventing the culture and
evolving the minds of our youth.
But like all philanthropists and crusaders, they
don't bother themselves with petty concerns of self and so routinely neglect to
maintain their own time reporting--for they have a greater cause than the mere
trappings of our monetary house of timecards.
“How can you ask me to fill out my timecard,
Timmy, when there are lives at stake?” They would say. “Our future depends on
us!”
Timmy saw their point, of course: Where would
the world be without the Illuminated Classes, and their strong sense of school
pride?
But Timmy’s whole purpose, his whole being, in
fact, was dedicated to the proper and efficient keeping of Time and he would be
darned if he would fail in his mission--his calling on this Earth!
He WOULD remind them to please fill out their
timecards, yes! He WOULD help them in their quest for a better future of future
betterment and, ultimately, he WOULD ensure that they got their hours reported
properly so they could maintain benefits, accrue service credits and secure
their continued survival by making sure they got paid for their efforts and, in
so doing, be allowed to live!
But they fought poor Timmy and refused to
comply.
They had more important things to do-or-die!
But Timmy fought back, more than he dared.
His efforts were valiant, but nobody cared!
And then one small Tuesday after a Monday day
off.
Timmy went mad faster than a cougher can cough.
For none of the timecards had been filled out at
all!
His hopes, perched on a precipice, made a
sickening fall!
If only he’d had a way to remove their timecard
blinders,
He could’ve saved his mind with a few Kronos
reminders.
[I won’t wind up like Timmy, the greatest keeper
of Time,
So, I save my own sanity by reminding in rhyme!]
Rhymekeeper Geoff
