Timebot 3000

Geoffbot 5000

Got Time?

Unforgettable Geoff

Time Reporting Sweepstakes!

Hello, Monthly Timecard Players!

It’s time once again to play the…

Time Reporting Sweepstakes!

You could win:

Vacation and Sick Leave Accruals!

Service Credits!

Attendance Awards!*

*Attendance Awards not guaranteed

So, Play today!**

**[Not available in all territories. See participating timekeepers for further details. In order to work together, some assembly may be required].

Game Show Geoff

Magic Time!

Hello, BiWeekly Timecard Enthusiasts!

You’re in luck because you get to report time! [hold for applause]

Have a great long weekend and enjoy the show! [see cartoon, below]

Magic Geoff

Lucky Timecards!

Top o’ the Mornin’, BiWeekly Staff!

The Gold You’ve Earned Awaits Ye!

…

There once was a shabby hipster named Thor,

Who wondered why he always so poor,

A leprechaun helped him to see,

That reporting time is the key!

And now he is poor Thorry no more.

O’Geoffrey 

Welcome Young King Kronos of March!

The Kronos King of February has finished up his term,

Making way for March’s young King to rule all the Monthly staff,

Exempt subjects should report their time, approve and reconfirm,

Then swear their fealty to the King (or at least on his behalf).

Grand Vizier Geoff

Introducing Clockface the Timecard Guy!

The chance is here once more my dears,

To show your strength--allay your fears,

Adopt the current paradigm,

Report all your BiWeekly Time!

Geoff Face

Happy Valentimes Card

For the Love of Timecards

O, Timecards, with thy temporal enumerations and such,

You fill me with such longing for timely reports,

I can't do without thee--I adore thee too much,

So, please, don't dare spurn me with unkind retorts.

I seek requited approvals for Exempt staffers’ leave,

(Be it sick- or vacation-, in 8-hour blocks),

If granted I’ll be giddy for so just a reprieve,

Swelling my ardor in a Time paradox:

For the greater my passion, the less Time there is,

As zeal aimed at Kronos needs Time to grow,

Much like a mildly sweet, bubbly Honey Rum Fizz,

On a lazy, warm Sunday--mm, quite the tableau!

So, monthly jobholders, share my Timekeeping joy,

And let’s revel in the Timekeeping we gladly employ.

Sonnet Geoff

PsychoKRONOSis

It is time once again for timecards.

Specifically and primarily for biweekly time reporting, which includes student workers, limited hires and nonexempt personnel (as well as their supervisors who do the approving, who may or may not be nonexempt employees in their own right).

Today we will be discussing the dangers and pitfalls of Timecard reporting, which can develop into a disorder known simply as:

PsychoKRONOSis

Diagnostic Criteria: An unsettled mental state brought about by prolonged frustration with java-based time reporting programs and all their applicable subroutines.

Symptoms: Marked by higher than average blood pressure and indeterminate bouts of rage, may be accompanied by protestations, verbal or otherwise, directed at software, hardware and personnel alike.

Known cures: Euphoria, elevated moods, laughter.

Prognosis: This:

Timmy the Timekeeper and the Cards of Time

Kronos Asylum is reserved for those whose madness is centered in and around the Temporal Lobe. They who have lost all sense of Time and Memory.

Timmy used to be a timekeeper, and a darn good one, thank you very much.

But then he went Time Mad.

And this is his story, told to ensure we never forget! So that no one else shall suffer Timmy’s fate.

It all began some time ago (as reported on his Timecards)...

Timmy was always the clever one, Timmy was.

He skipped ahead in his class when the lesson was learning how to tell time.

He already knew what the big hand meant.

When he graduated college with a Timekeeper Doctorate (TKPHD) at 25 he was on track to be one of the greatest Timekeeper success stories since the Earl of Greenwich Mean Time.

He was always a giving person so he decided to use his skills where they were needed most--back in Academia, to ensure future generations would benefit from his abilities in timecard reporting, the grease that runs the education machine!

And that’s when the madness began.

Those who work in a University setting are in rarefied air--they see how the world works and they envision a better future and provide the tools to make it possible by reinventing the culture and evolving the minds of our youth.

But like all philanthropists and crusaders, they don't bother themselves with petty concerns of self and so routinely neglect to maintain their own time reporting--for they have a greater cause than the mere trappings of our monetary house of timecards.

“How can you ask me to fill out my timecard, Timmy, when there are lives at stake?” They would say. “Our future depends on us!”

Timmy saw their point, of course: Where would the world be without the Illuminated Classes, and their strong sense of school pride?

But Timmy’s whole purpose, his whole being, in fact, was dedicated to the proper and efficient keeping of Time and he would be darned if he would fail in his mission--his calling on this Earth!

He WOULD remind them to please fill out their timecards, yes! He WOULD help them in their quest for a better future of future betterment and, ultimately, he WOULD ensure that they got their hours reported properly so they could maintain benefits, accrue service credits and secure their continued survival by making sure they got paid for their efforts and, in so doing, be allowed to live!

But they fought poor Timmy and refused to comply.

They had more important things to do-or-die!

But Timmy fought back, more than he dared.

His efforts were valiant, but nobody cared!

And then one small Tuesday after a Monday day off.

Timmy went mad faster than a cougher can cough.

For none of the timecards had been filled out at all!

His hopes, perched on a precipice, made a sickening fall!

If only he’d had a way to remove their timecard blinders,

He could’ve saved his mind with a few Kronos reminders.

[I won’t wind up like Timmy, the greatest keeper of Time,

So, I save my own sanity by reminding in rhyme!]

Rhymekeeper Geoff