Time Reporting At The Rain Factory

Hello, all you rainmakers,

Seizing the day and empowering the future,

Being competent to your core,

Moving forward with all the low-hanging fruit available.

Monday we have off,

So, Tuesday—let’s make it rain, people!

And this is how the rain is made:

At The Rain Factory...

On the first day of wet work came a brand new misty crop

Of precipitously damp newbies all hoping to drop.

Orientation is key--so they don’t try to fall up.

(You may ask “does that ever happen?” to which I say “yup!”).

The clouds are like fog banks of weather’s component parts,

Housing those practitioners of the moist vapor arts.

  

Some clouds are acidic and eat away at your brain,

While others are so cold they're between snow and freezing rain.

  

All the dripping hopefuls just want a chance to prove their grit,

“Which is needed to condense moisture,” (from the Employee Info Kit).

But before they may let fly their jump to soak the world,

Before they can make heavy every flag heretofore unfurled,

Before they can fill the rivers and cause cast iron to rust,

They'll need to fill out their timecards like every worker must!

Soggy Geoff

I Cannot Fill My Timecard Out!

It’s a New Year!—so, Happy/Merry and all that,

ALL Timecards are due NOW—it’s our chance, our “at-bat!”

To prove we can rally for the good of the team,

I’m sure they’ll be issues, but a fella can dream.

I know you’re not alone, I’ve heard tell of a boy,

Whose issues were many (see below—and enjoy!)

Geoff Comix

Don’t Let’s Be Naughty, My Little Timecard Elves!

Pre-holiday biweekly timecards follow close upon

And must be filled out now or, in other words: Anon!

We only have ‘til FRIDAY, so don't, my friends, delay,

Or else the log of time’ll be whittled clean away!

With the holidays upon us the schedules all have changed!

We only have this week! So we’re scrambling, half-deranged!

You wouldn’t like the naughty list for it brings on too much strife

And lasts a good deal longer than uranium ore’s half-life.

Some of you deserve gold stars for just how diligent you are,

And some of you...well, you’re still striving (in your attempt to just make par).

But we appreciate you all (just not in equal measure).

‘Cause let’s be real here, friends--there’s far more pain afoot than pleasure.

What can you do to help us? What gifts can you bestow?

Start by forwarding this reminder so that those who don’t know--KNOW!

Then approve all hours and overtime, add comments where they’re needed.

If your staffer’s absent--you do it! (so our work won’t get impeded)!

The deadline is a hard one, by FRIDAY and no later,

If you put it off or forget (again)--you’ll need a mediator!

Then once it’s done and all is well all across the land,

I’ll be the first to shout “hooray, supply has met demand!”

I’m confident that we can do it! Yes, my faith is firmly placed!

If that turns out to be untrue, well then—(these words can be erased)!

Holiday Geoff

Toon Time

Geofftoons

Anti-Procrastination Declaration

After a fine Thanksgiving break and a splendid time off,

I totally forgot this reminder (cough-cough).

But work cannot wait and so I’m determined to finish,

With quality control not even haste could diminish.

And now it brings to mind the notion of all time reporting,

Which requires time to do it and so remains self-supporting.

So, since it’s required and you’re paid for the chore,

It can be calendared, reminder-ed and, yes, scheduled for.

And despite the fact that it’s a task that most hate,

It keeps us in compliance with the payroll mandate.

This is why all of you monthly (Exempt) workers who care,

Should approve your timecards now so you’re not caught unaware.

Last Minute Geoff

Giving Time

Those who like to give whatever it is they’ve got

Know full well to give ‘tis far better than to not.

So, during this giving time let’s all join together as one

And give ourselves a hand for all the giving that we’ve done.

I once gave a hoot (when hoots were in short supply)

I even gave my hunger (when someone was serving pie).

I’ve given a piece of my mind (to those without their own)

I’ve even given my absence (when they wished to be alone).

I’ve given my opinions (when they didn’t know what to think)

I’ve given my advice (for when they couldn’t afford a shrink).

I’ve given some good excuses (for when theirs were wearing thin)

I’ve even given alibis (to account for where they’d been).

Giving brings more joy than mere taking could ever allow

(Except when taking a minute to approve your timecards: NOW!).

[And if you haven’t given out and want to give some more

Join Cool Campus Challenge to improve our Eco- score!]*

*Cool Campus Challenge ends 12/10/15, UCSB specific, some assembly required.

Timecard Reminder Reminder

Biweekly timecards are due Tuesday (at the latest),

By Monday’d be great, (by today’d be the greatest!)

Workers and supervisors need to approve in the right order

To prevent a total breakdown or a mental disorder.

Workers approve hours (once they’ve filled them all in),

Supervisors go next (to avoid deep chagrin).

And now a little more insight

Into what compels me to write…

While it’s my joy to remind you fine and true folk,

Who reminds the reminder? Or so goes the old joke.

My mindful ‘minder’s named “Thinky”--he's a heck of a guy,

But best keep your distance--he's incredibly shy.

His purview isn’t specific to timecards alone,

He’ll remind me to eat or to hang up the phone.

Or if I’ve forgotten where I last parked my car,

He’ll retrace all my steps before I’ve gotten too far.

He’s better than a computer because he knows what I mean

When I ask him a question whether vague or obscene.

“The Greek Goddess of Beauty and Love?” (“Aphrodite!”)

“That changing lightbulbs rhyme?” (“Lefty loosey, righty tighty!”)

Lost my keys, dropped my wallet, misplaced my wristwatch?

Can’t remember the base for a Rob Roy? (“It’s scotch”).

So who is my ‘minder? Well, to be perfectly plain,

Thinky’s the name of my oft-addled brain.

Thinky Geoff